The Heartache (and Hope) of a Miscarriage

When I woke up that Monday morning, I had no idea what events were going to transpire over the next few days.  It seemed like a normal start to the week.  Kevin and I woke up together, spent about fifteen minutes in bed talking about our day, and I kissed him goodbye. “See you tonight. Love you”, I said.

I went downstairs to get the kids breakfast, and as I was standing in my kitchen, I knew I was starting to bleed.  The feeling is unmistakable. I rushed to the bathroom, and as I sat down on the toilette, I collided with the worst possible scenario as a pregnant woman.  This was more than spotting.  Much more. I immediately texted my best friend in Tennessee who miscarried herself a few years ago.  “I’m bleeding”, was all I texted.  I was shaking, in shock, and had no idea what to do.  I called Kevin and told him.  He remained calm, and told me he wasn’t alarmed, and if I needed him, he’d come home.  He then prayed for me and the baby over the phone.  As soon as I hung up, my best friend called me.  I was sobbing at this point. She cried with me, and put her husband on speaker phone because he was much more calm than we were at that moment.  “Jennie, it’s me, Ben, I’m going to pray for you right now”, and he went on to pray against all fear and anxiety, and invited God’s peace to come into the situation.

After we decided that I’d call them back in a little bit, I called out to my five children in the kitchen to pray because “Mommy is bleeding”, I said.  They knew I was pregnant.  We prayed for the baby everyday.  We talked about this child as if he or she was already their brother or sister.  “I’m so excited for this baby!”, my three year old would emphatically say daily.  I heard my oldest who is thirteen solemnly tell the others that what it means is that I could be losing the baby. Just overhearing that made my heart sink.  He was right…I knew he was right, but I couldn’t even process what was going on.

I sat there for a half hour, and began texting family and close friends to pray.  That Monday morning was the start of a very difficult week that would take up residence in my heart forever.  I had never miscarried before, and had had five healthy pregnancies, so it truly caught me off guard and I just sat there in shock.

When I finally pulled myself together and stopped crying, I came out of the bathroom and said to my kids, “guys, I need you to lay your hands on my tummy and pray for this baby.” My kids are amazing prayer warriors.  They laid their hands on me, and went to town. They stormed Heavens gates with prayers for protection for the baby, and health and safety for me.  But what touched me the most was they prayed that no matter what happened, I would have peace and my emotions and heart would be okay.

We pray with our kids every single day.  Not just before we eat a meal, but for anything.  They’ve learned to drop whatever they are doing to pray.  It was in that moment that I so appreciated that they were capable of lifting me up into God’s hands when I couldn’t do it myself. “Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength…that You may silence the avenger”, Psalm 2:8. Your children’s prayers are powerful!

Kevin and I decided that he should come home as I didn’t feel like I should be alone.  So he cut his day in half, and came home at lunch time. The rest of the day, I just laid down and rested.  It felt to me like I was thrown into a situation that I had no time to prepare or process for, and so I was in this daze of confusion and fear.  But…I knew God was with me, and I knew He was in control.  At that point I had texted about twelve people who I knew would pray, so I knew I was being lifted up, which was good because I felt like I couldn’t really even pray myself.  “God….” was about all I could get out before my chest would heave with heartache and the tears would spill out again.

That night after dinner, we gathered the kids around to pray for me and the baby again.  This time, there was a desperation in all of our voices since I had been bleeding all day.  Kevin kneeled on the floor in front of me, placed his hands on me and cried out to God for the life of his child while I buried my hands in my face and sobbed.  When we finished praying, Kevin said to the children and I, “I would give every last dollar we have to our name to save the life of this child.”

What we wouldn’t give for our children.

The next few days turned into a journey I hadn’t packed my bags for.  No one really talks much about miscarriage.  I have seen two of my closest friends miscarry and I cried and prayed with them through some of it, so I knew a small taste of the bitterness of miscarriage, but to go through it myself was an entirely different wrenching of my heart.

Kevin ended up taking me to the ER the next day because I was having pain that could mean a tubal pregnancy, and my midwife told me I should get checked out right away.  An ultrasound confirmed that it was not a tubal, but also that there was no heartbeat.  The next day I spent twelve hours having contractions passing everything.  It felt so similar to labor.  I knew these pains, but normally these pains meant I was laboring to bring forth life.  This was an altogether different experience full of emotions I’m not entirely sure I had felt before.

All the while Psalm 23 kept playing in my head…”though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me”.  

That Psalm was a banner over me the entire week, as I played it over and over in my mind through the shock, the tears, and the heartache.  If I didn’t have that to cling to, I know I would have had panic attacks.  I was so close so many times, but God’s Word rang in my mind and would remind me that He was near and I needn’t be afraid.

All the while, we kept a close eye on my bleeding.  Kevin would follow me to the bathroom to make sure I was okay, as he wanted to see how much blood I was passing.  My midwife and I were in communication, and she had given us guidelines that would merit us returning to the hospital. At 11PM, Kevin told me I should go to sleep.  He would stay up and watch a movie, and would set an alarm for every hour to wake me up and check on my bleeding. I tried to sleep, but the contractions were too strong, and they were every minute or two.  He came in at 12:00, and 1:00, and again at 2:00.  We decided that my bleeding was slowing down a bit and that we should just get some shut-eye.  My contractions tapered off at about 2:30 AM, but I laid there for a while in the dark room, with my eyes wide open like a deer in headlights trying to process what had just happened.

The next day I rested again as my body was continuing to cramp.  I was so uncomfortable all day it was hard to sit up or do anything.  Finally, that evening, I passed the placenta.  As soon as it came out, all the cramping stopped, so I knew it was over.  I knew then that I had passed the baby in one of the many clots I passed while I was laboring the day before. It was a bittersweet feeling.  One of complete loss that I had now lost all physical connection to my baby, but a sense of relief that the pain and fear was over.  We told the kids what had happened, and that we now knew for sure that their little brother or sister was in Heaven.

The entire week Kevin stayed level and calm, until the next day.  Our pastor, who is also Kevin’s friend, called Kevin because he had heard about the miscarriage.  Kevin answered, and I heard our Pastor say, “Hey buddy, I just heard about what you guys have been going through this week…I didn’t know…I am so, so sorry.”  He paused, and solemnly said it again, “I am so, so sorry”.  There was something in those words to Kevin that broke whatever was holding his emotions back.  He thanked him for calling, hung up the phone, and turned to me and started crying.

I think when someone suffers a loss, when we step into their pain for a few moments and tell them we are so sorry for what happened, there is a pin prick that happens on our heart.  Emotion can come out that really should come out.  Like someone give us the nod that we can let go of what we’ve been holding onto. We sat and cried together for a while, and then we had to head out to get an ultrasound to make sure I had passed everything.  After we left, we realized we had some extra time, so we stopped for a coffee.  We sat down in the corner of Starbucks with me as numb as I can remember ever feeling, and Kevin just started to cry again.  Now it was his turn to mourn the loss of our sixth child.  We ran into a friend there, and we told him what happened, and as he turned to me and said, “oh man, I’m so sorry”, I began to cry again too.

“Yes…it’s been a very difficult week”, was all I could get out.

The ultrasound confirmed that everything had passed.  To see my womb empty this time, where just a couple of days ago I saw a baby was surreal.  I wish no one had to go through the loss and suffering of a miscarriage.  That entire week I was very introspective, which is how I get when I’m in labor.  But instead of having my mind in tune with the goal of being able to hold my sweet baby at the end, it was just for an emptiness.  Nothingness.  Loss.  I was severely in tune with the fact that we are living in our broken, and fallen state.

The heartache we live with in this life is nowhere near what God had planned when He made mankind.

But my mind was also in tune with two types of women all week.  I couldn’t get them out of my heart and mind.  The first was women all throughout history and all throughout the world that have miscarried.  Or even birthed a child for that matter.  What females go through to bring life into this world is absolutely astonishing.  I kept picturing women hundreds and thousands of years ago going through what I was going through.  The pain, the heartache, the sorrow of their loss. And also women around the world who were going through a miscarriage at the exact same time…sitting in their bathroom crying just as I was.

Females are amazing, and I gained a whole new respect for each and every one of you who have labored to bring life…or death.  Like my heart had new heart-strings to millions of women that I’ve never met. 

The second group of women I had on my mind all week were women who were walking into abortion clinics, handing over money to have their pregnancy terminated.  The life they were growing inside of them ripped from them in a matter of minutes.  The tiny heart that was working around the clock to fight for their own little lives violently stopped.  “No!”, I wanted to shout to all of them, “Yours is still alive! Please, please don’t do this!”  I wanted to grab their sweet and confused faces in my hands, and show them my tears, and tell them how heartbreaking it is to have your child go from life to death and be abruptly taken from your womb. It just felt so overwhelmingly heartbreaking to think of a woman paying money, and voluntarily asking for their child’s life to end, when I was grieving so deeply for the involuntary loss of my own. The numbers continue to climb every second of the day and night…another life gone…another life gone…another life gone. Or should I say another generation gone, for you are taking away more than just one person when you abort a baby.  For example, if my parents would have aborted me, they would have been erasing from the planet me, my six children, and all the grandchildren, great-grandchildren, etc which will come from me. It’s generations being erased. So has the world really lost 1,522,371,300 lives worldwide to abortion since 1980? No! So many more! (at the writing of this, numberofabortions.com clock has this number, but it clicks away at another number higher every second).

I don’t judge these women.  I feel a deep and painful sadness for them…and their baby.  

In fact, I have sat rocking and nursing my own babies on several different occasions, crying out to God to save any babies that are about to be aborted with warm tears streaming down my face. If you have had an abortion, please know that there is healing.  God forgives in radical ways when we ask Him to. “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your sins for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins”, Isaiah 43:25.  If you need to, please get healing. I know most pregnancy care centers offer counseling/healing classes for post abortion trauma, and I have friends who have gone through it and have said that it was incredibly healing for them.

Well, I’m sure you noticed that my title of this blog entry is “The Heartache and Hope of a miscarriage”.  So, you are probably asking, “where is the hope in all of this?”  I’m glad you asked, and I’d love to share…

The day after the miscarriage was over, I had a few quiet moments at the house while my mother-in-law took my kids out to lunch. I sat down and closed my eyes and prayed.  I asked God, “why? Why would you allow me to even get pregnant if you knew all of this was going to happen?  Why didn’t you spare me all this pain?”  I sat quietly before him, waiting, and fully expecting an answer.  I simply needed an answer in that moment…and He knew it.

God is so gracious when we go through deeply difficult times.  I’ve had things God has shown me before.  Some would call them visions.  Well, I believe God showed me a vision in that moment that I desperately needed.  I closed my eyes, and I saw my little boy. In the vision, it was like I was sitting on God the Fathers lap, and then He took his arm and pointed to an adorable little boy.  He was about thirty feet away or so, so not right in front of me. He was standing there in a white robe that was too big for him.  He looked to be about three or four years old, and he looked just like how my youngest boy would look in another year or two.  Blonde hair, blue eyes. He was wearing a gold crown, and as soon as I saw him, he looked at me, lifted his hand, pushed his crown back up over his eyes, and waved at me.  And with the biggest smile, he shouted, “Hi, Mommy!”

I immediately sobbed a deep, grieving, but healing cry for a long time.  I so desperately wanted to hold him.  To kiss and feel his soft, rosy cheeks.  To pull him close and tell him I loved him. My heart swelled with love for him, and in that moment I was silenced by healing tears.  Each tear was sadness wrapped up with gratitude.  Gratitude for his life…gratitude for him being in Heaven safe with Jesus…and gratitude that I got to see a quick picture of my little boy.  Through the sobs, I shared the vision with Kevin, and we cried together.

I think in that moment we grieved the loss of our son together, and that was another level of healing, and another gift God gave us along the way.

The next day I did a painting of him.  I didn’t want to forget it.  I cried most of the way through creating it, but it is lovely to me.  It has his name on it, as well as the meaning of his name.  It will grace a wall in our home until the day we pass on to join him in Heaven.

Speaking of his name, on the evening of the day I saw the vision of my boy, we sat down together as a family. My kids had quietly watched their Mom retreat to her bedroom for the last few days, and their hope and unanswered prayers had been shattered by the loss of their sibling.   I said to the kids, “Guys, God showed Mommy a vision of the baby.  You guys have a little brother in Heaven.”  I went on to tell them what I saw, and they were all so happy to hear about their little brother. They were sad that they wouldn’t get to play with him here, but they were also in awe that they have a brother that is spending his days playing with Jesus.  I said, “I’d like us to give him a name.  And I’d like any suggestions, Dad and I just want it to be meaningful.”  We are big on the meanings of names.  We believe there is a sense of destiny in someone’s name.  We sat in silence for a minute. Then my middle boy said, “what about John?” And with that my oldest said, “oh my gosh-I had just asked God what his name is, and right before Ellis said that, I heard the name John.” We explained to them that that is how God speaks sometimes, through two of us that are praying together and confirming the same word.  So we looked up the meaning, and it means, “My God has been gracious and has shown favor.”  I knew that was it, because that’s exactly how I felt about the whole experience.  Even though the whole week was difficult, sad, and scary, I felt so taken care of by God.  The meals friends were bringing, the constant texts from friends and family checking in and saying they were praying, the fact that I got to see my baby in the ultrasound in the hospital, and the fact that I got to see him in Heaven.  God had been so gracious to me through the darkness.  I was keenly aware of 2 Corinthians 12:9, “and He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness”.  So John, to me, was perfect.

Then we said, “okay, middle name?”  We threw out a few names, but none sounded right.  I said, “we need a name that means royalty or something, since he was wearing a crown.”  So Kevin went to looking on the internet, and said, “Ryan means little king.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s perfect.”  So that night, we as a family together, named our son, and their brother John Ryan. It was perfect, and with that, I had peace.  Peace that he was in the Fathers care.  Peace that we would someday get to spend eternity with him.

I squeezed and kissed all my other five kids so much tighter that week.  As my tear streaked cheek pressed against theirs, I whispered to God dozens of times, “Thank you God for letting this one make it through.  Thank you for keeping them strong, and bringing them into the world for me to hold and touch and raise.”

The battle for life was never more evident to me.

The next few weeks were an emotional rollercoaster to say the least, and I think I walked around with tears sitting on the brim of my eyes continually.  I have cried so many tears throughout this, only God could know the number of them.  Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”  I don’t really know why God keeps track of this, but it shows me that He cares deeply for me, and my sorrow in this trial is not overlooked by Him.

So, as I close…if you are a fellow Mama who has miscarried, I wish I could give you a hug, and tell you, “I am so, so sorry”.  We are in a sisterhood now.  A sisterhood that only those who have gone through the pain of miscarriage know.  But you are strong, Mama, and nothing you did caused your baby to not make it.  It wasn’t your fault.  Your child will never know the heartache of this world.  NEVER.  They will never cry, mourn, or feel depressed.  They got the amazing privilege of taking the express train to Heaven where Jesus was waiting for them with open arms.

The Bible tells us about life in the womb. Isaiah 44:24 says, “Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, and the One who formed you from the womb, I, the Lord am the maker of all things…”.

Also, in Psalm 139, it says, “For you formed my inward parts, You covered me in my mother’s womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…my frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret…Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed, and in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me…”.

We will never know why some of our little ones didn’t make it.  I do believe God was forming and fashioning them in our wombs, and He did have His plans and days written out for each of their lives, but something else got in the way…it’s a word in our society that seems to be outlawed…but it’s called sin.  Not your sin, or their sin…just sin.  It came into the world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God, and it’s still here. He warned them it would happen, but they didn’t listen.  It still haunts us today with each pain, each sickness, and each death.  This is the heartache of a miscarriage. It’s not God’s plan for your little one to have not grown up in your loving arms.  But if there are any arms where your child will be safest and most loved, it’s Jesus’ arms…and this, my sister, is the hope we can have in the midst of the sadness of a miscarriage.

Hugs to you from my heart to yours. XOXO

 

 

 

Why your marriage MUST come first

Today is mine and Kevin’s 14th wedding anniversary.  We would never claim to have a perfect marriage (um, there’s no such thing, so stop daydreaming), but if you asked us if we have a good marriage, we would emphatically say yes.  And then if you proceeded to ask us how we’ve built a good marriage throughout having five children, cross country moves, running a business, different leadership roles at a few different churches, hospital stays and sicknesses, etc etc…we would say it’s because we prioritize our marriage.  When I was just driving on the road today, a mini van passed by me that had rust on it so badly that it actually had eaten through the car and had holes in it!  I said out loud to myself, “wow! I’ve never seen that before”.  But that’s what happens to a car that is driven in the Midwest and isn’t taken care of properly throughout those harsh winter months.  Kevin is constantly taking care of our cars by running them through the car wash in the winter because he says “if you don’t get the salt off, the car will rust”.  Just like that car, if we don’t take care of our marriage, it’s going to begin to show holes.  It is going to begin to slowly dissolve away and not be the beautiful marriage it could be.

The most common time to get divorced is when the couple becomes empty nesters.

They held the marriage together for the sake of the children, and when the children are all out of the house, there is no audience anymore to be “playing house” for, so they raise the white flag of surrender and decide to go their separate ways.  The truth is though, they went their separate ways years before.  Maybe it was a quick shift like a tsunami that swept in and destroyed the trust they had for each other, or maybe it was a slow changing of the tide that over the years exposed just how far their hearts drifted from each other.

Either way, it is a sad thing to see.  No one sits by and smiles as they see their friends go through a divorce, even if the party involved claims it is all “civil”, and will “remain the best of friends”.

We know deep within our souls that what is brought together with sacred vows, and “I will love you forever’s” should never be separated.  Yet, we see it happen everyday.

So, how do we not become a statistic?  How do we keep our marriage together even after there is no more eyes watching us each day?  Even more than that, how do we stay in a place of love, adoration, and affection with one another?

Well, I have other posts brewing on this, but for today I want to give you…

10 reasons WHY  your marriage must absolutely, positively take FIRST place.

Ready?! Here we go…

  1. Your spouse came before the children.  Period.  It started the two of you, and at some point it will go back to the two of you.
  2. Your kids need to see a positive marriage modeled for them.  They are going to copy what they see.  How do you speak to your spouse?  They will speak to theirs in the same way.  How do you prioritize the marriage?  That is how your children will prioritize their marriage.  They are absorbing more than you think, so be a good -no, great role model of what a fun, loving marriage can look like.
  3. Kids get their security from seeing Mom and Dad happy together.  One question we ask our kids regularly is “do you think Mom and Dad love each other”?  They usually giggle and nod.  We ask, “how do you know we do?”, and they say, “because you guys always want to be together”, or “Dad is always grabbing your butt”(hee hee! It’s really true), or “you guys are always kissing each other”.  Don’t shy away from showing each other affection in front of your kids.  Now, don’t go overboard!  But, snuggles, pats, and kisses are totally appropriate and heathy for your kids to see!  It will give them security that they are in a strong family that will not crumble.
  4. You want to be happy, don’t you?!  I mean, c’mon, if you are going to be LIVING with someone, you have to put the effort into them.  And when you put effort into someone, you usually like them more.  Liking the person you live with equals you being a happier person!
  5. Your spouse deserves to be living happily too.  I know there are days when you want to sentence your spouse to a lifelong silent treatment from you, but really, they are a person too (the person you absolutely fell head over heals for at one point).  They deserve to be happy too!  If you aren’t prioritizing this relationship, it’s easy to forget that they are a person with feelings just like you are. Don’t be hard-hearted!  Give them a break and try to make their day a little brighter.
  6. The Bible says you are one flesh together.  Genesis 2:24 says “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.  Matthew 19:5 says, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”.  Ephesians 5:31 says, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”.  And in Mark 10:8 it says, “and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one flesh”.  Phew!  That’s a lot of redundancy.  But that means it must really mean something to God.  It’s a spiritual law that we don’t see in a physical way, but somehow God sees us as one.  That means if Kevin is bummed about something, I feel bummed.  If he is stressed about something, typically I feel stressed too.  How he feels affects me, and how I feel affects him.  It’s supposed to be that way.  We are intertwined in a deep way that goes beyond our understanding.  So, this tells me that God wants us to be sensitive to each other’s needs because, in a way, we are also tending to our own needs.  What we do to them will eventually effect us if we are still in a place of having a tender heart.  Years of bitterness will harden this, of course, so don’t allow bitterness to come between the two of you.  It’s not worth it, as eventually you will drink the bitter poison of that bitterness yourself.
  7. The world needs more love.  Like the song, “what the world needs now is love, sweet love”, we need to see more loving, committed, thriving marriages! You can do this!!  Put your marriage first so that it can be built to last, and others can be inspired by yours.  The world needs to see love that is real and stands the test of time through sickness, financial struggles, child rearing, job changes, moves, and weight fluctuations.  How endearing it is to onlookers to see an elderly couple walking hand in hand while smiling at each other.  Gosh-it melts my heart every time!
  8. Starting another marriage is a lot of hard work as well.  Don’t be deceived into thinking that all your troubles will go away if your spouse goes away.  Far better to roll up your sleeves and work on the marriage you are in than work on starting a whole new one.
  9. If you don’t put your marriage first, you’ll lose sight of how great you’ve got it.  Being married is fun!  At least it can be if you put effort into it and make it first in your life.  Don’t wait until your spouse puts their best effort into you, you put on your big kid panties and take the first step.  Plan date nights.  Go bowling or golfing together, start taking walks around the block after dinner, pick up a cup of coffee for them and drop it by work unexpectedly, buy them a little gift just because, snuggle up to them while you watch TV in the evening.  Doing these little things will remind you that living with someone and sharing your unique relationship is actually a lot of fun!
  10. And last, put your marriage first because your marriage must stand strong if you are going to get through the child rearing years!  These are tough years!  Raising kids is no joke, and if you are not a team doing it together, those little sweeties will pull you apart under the pressure of all they demand.  Keeping your marriage first will help you tremendously to get through this season without feeling like you are driven over by a truck day after day.  You and your spouse need to be able to connect regularly to communicate about the kids schedules, how to handle the pressures you see your kids going through, and to come up with a game plan when little Johnny wakes up in the night.  Remember, you are a team!  Don’t let the littles pull you apart.  Stay connected so that you can tackle the week ahead of you, instead of feeling like the kids are tackling you.  Kevin and I set aside a couple of hours every Sunday to go through the week ahead, to make sure we are on the same page with our schedule.  We also will send e-mails or make phone calls during this time to schedule things like dentist appointments, signing the kids up for sports camp or swim lessons, and dinners with other families.  That way, we are a team in setting the family schedule and neither of us feel like the other one is running the calendar and all the decisions for the family.  There is also no room for miscommunication.  So, when Thursday evening rolls around and we all need to be somewhere, there is no “who signed us up for this anyway?!” because we did it together, and decided together.

 

Obviously I must state that if one spouse is verbally or physically abusive, you must get help beyond this post.  I am not writing to that.  I simply want to help the marriages that feels as if they have fallen out of “like” with each other because they are barely keeping their heads above the waters of life.  Sometimes, just sometimes, there is a simple solution to the woes of marriage.

Prioritize your marriage.  Make it first.  Wash that salt off with love, tenderness, and fun so you don’t rust out.

You really can do this!  You can take the first step.  Be the spouse that your children need.  And my prayer is that when you do that day after day, you will find yourself not just “in love” again, but “in like” too!

 

In memory of Jeff

I write to you today on the coat tails of receiving news that a childhood family friend of mine has lost his battle to ALS.  He was my age, and I even messaged him hours before he died.  My words to him were to not fear death.  That we all have to be ready to die, because any of us could go at any minute.  That night after writing to him, I was in and out of dreams where he was in them.  I would partly wake between them, turn over and whisper a prayer for him.  Little did I know he was slipping into the arms of Jesus during those hours.

Life can feel so sorrowful at times.  I was driving home right before writing this, crying over the heartbreak of death.  My friend is survived by a mother and three sisters.  His Dad died when we were in high school.  As I rocked Jude tonight before laying him in the crib for bed, I thought about his mother.  A sweet lady who has buried a husband, and this weekend will bury a son.  My mother’s heart cried for her as I thought about all the nights she did the same for her boy as I was doing for Jude.  All the night waking, the rocking, the kissing skinned knees, the wiping of tears, and the singing of lullabies. She tucked him in at night all the way up until his very last.

We all know people who have died.  No one is exempt from the pain of loss.  But as I was crying this evening, what kept bubbling up out of my heart over and over again was the Bible verse, “oh death, where is your sting?”  I looked it up when I got home and it is 1 Corinthians 15:55.  It says “oh death, where is your sting?  Oh grave, where is your victory?”  The loss of a loved one is like a deep horrifying sting.  It hurts terrible…and it lingers for a while.  Two verses later, it says “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ”.  This tells us that there is good news.  In verse 55, the word “grave” in Strongs definition states that the original Greek word here is Hades, or Hell.  Paul was saying that Hell does not have victory over us…or better stated, Hell does not have the final say over us.

So if this is true, how do we get victory over Hell?  Verse 57 tells us.  It is God who has given us that victory through Jesus Christ.  Without Him…there is no victory.  There is no good news.  There is no hope for us.

But praise God, we have a blessed hope.  For those of us who have put our faith in Jesus Christ, His blood paid for our entrance into the glorious place where God lives, far from death and pain and loss.  The place where Jeff slipped into just a couple nights ago.

But he is not crying like we are.  The Bible tells us that Jesus will wipe away every tear.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or sorrow, or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away”, Revelation 21:4.  This doesn’t mean that Jesus is walking around Heaven with a tissue in his hand wiping everyone’s tears.  It means that there ARE NO MORE TEARS in Heaven.  For He wiped away all the reasons to cry for us and from us.  His death meant there will be no more death for us…no more Hell.  The pain He suffered meant we will not have pain anymore.

What a Savior.  What a God.

I don’t have the answers as to why some of us seem to have more grief and loss than others.  Some would look at my friends Mom and say that she has had a terrible lot in life because she lost the two men in her life that she loved the most.  Some would blame it on God, or question why He would allow it.  Or worse yet, many people throw out the blanket statement, “it must have been God’s will”.  This statement is as far from the truth as possible.  God’s will has NEVER been for death to even happen.  We weren’t even created for it.  That’s why it’s so hard.  Our original DNA wasn’t hard-wired to comprehend and live through the death of a loved one…but because of the fall of man, which the Bible says started with Adam, death came.

Romans 5:12, and Romans 5:21 says “therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man(Adam), and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all have sinned…as sin reigned in death, even so grace must reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  (emphasis mine)

What is all this saying?  It’s saying that death came into the world through Adam’s disobedience, but life and victory came into the world through Jesus.  That’s why Paul wrote “oh death where is your sting?  Oh grave, where is your victory?”  Because death is not victorious anymore!  Death is not the final statement on our lives!  It may feel like it because it hurts so much to say goodbye.  But, to those of us who have put our trust in the saving grace of Jesus, it’s just “see you later”.  That person who has their faith anchored in Jesus who slips out of life here, slips into Heaven without as much as another thought.  It’s like taking off a coat.  A coat that is cumbersome and worn out that desperately needs new life.

So to my friend, Jeff, who is now running around Heaven side by side with Jesus in a perfectly strong new body, I say…”I will see you later, my friend”.  No goodbye.  No sympathy for a short life.  He just got promoted to the best place we will ever see or know.  Where Jesus Himself is ruler over a whole new order of things.  Where he will never again know pain, loss or grief.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be in a place like that…forever.

Thank you, Jesus, for giving your life for mine…and for giving your life for Jeff’s too.

 

Our Family’s Favorite Bibles

In our home, we think it is very important to read the Bible, but if I’m totally honest with you, with five children, it is a struggle for me to rise early and have time in God’s Word by myself before my kids pile into my room in the morning to wake me up. I do try to read the Word or pray scripture right when I wake up while I nurse Jude, but it usually only lasts a few minutes before someone else cracks open the door and asks to come in.  Sometimes I feel like the second my eyes open, the kids are alerted that Mom’s awake and they must ambush her.  I try to remind myself that someday I will miss this (maybe).

I will say that I do love being in the groove of studying God’s Word.  It’s worth the struggle to crack it open.  It is the only book in the world that is alive!

God’s breath comes out of each page infusing us with wisdom, guidance, and love.  

I know my gas tank needs as much filling of this each morning as possible before the day gets going and life pulls all of it’s demands out of me.  If you’re like me, how do we remedy the fact that we know we need God’s power to get us through the day with patience and love, but struggle to find the time to read it?

One of the ways I’ve found is to read the Bible out loud to the kids while we eat breakfast.  No, it’s not that quiet, reflective time in the Word by myself, but it fills me up in a different way.

I get to see my kids eyes opened to the power of God right in front of me.

I try to prioritize reading out loud to them for about ten minutes while we eat breakfast and then we discuss what we read together.  It’s not long, it’s not technical, it’s just reading and discussing.  I ask questions like, “should Abraham have obeyed God in the call to sacrifice his one and only son or not?”, and “although God stopped Abraham from sacrificing Isaac, who actually did sacrifice his one and only son”?  I love seeing their eyes light up as they give me their answers and opinions.

Now, before you continue in picturing these perfect morning Bible sessions at my house, let me take a paint brush and color in the parts you may not have in your picture yet…

Let’s see…I’m rushing to get every one seated at the table before they finish eating and are off and running to the next thing.  Once I start reading, I’m corralling the two-year old back to the table about a dozen times as her God-given design is to never sit still.  Simultaneously, one of the older kids is usually up and down getting Jude more food in is high chair as to stop him from screaming.  Although eventually he doesn’t stop screaming which is my signal to be all done.  And, as of recently, Coco the bird is sitting on the table in front of me eating crumbs and whistling “The Adams Family” over me.  No joke.  Not sure whose idea it was to invite him to the breakfast table.

It’s not a perfect picture.  But, it’s totally worth it to me when we are cleaning up the dishes and I hear the kids dialogue with each other about what it must have been like for Isaac in the moment his dad was tying him up to be sacrificed, and how relieved he must have been when all of a sudden an angel spoke and told his dad there was a sacrifice that God provided instead.

These conversations are important to me because I know they are leaving life long impressions on their hearts.

Currently I am reading the kids the book of Acts out of my Bible, and we just read about the first martyr, Stephen, in chapter 7.  We read about how he said he could see Heaven open and Jesus standing at the right hand of God right before they stoned him.  This particular morning, I read the Bible to them in the play room while they played with toys because I didn’t get to the breakfast table in time to read.  We discussed what that may have meant that Jesus was standing.  The Bible says in other verses like Ephesians 1:20 and Hebrews 10:12 that He is seated at the right hand of God.  Jesus even said of Himself that we will see Him seated at the right hand of God in Heaven.  So I asked, “why was He standing for Stephen”?  We discussed how we show honor to people by standing, or maybe Jesus was so emotional about seeing Stephen being stoned for His sake that He couldn’t help but bolt to His feet.  We then wondered about how often He is seated on His throne in His rightful place and how much He is off playing with the kids in Heaven.  We discussed many other ideas which led to other questions and ideas, and so on.  All while they tossed a ball around and played with toys.  I love the wonder that the Bible opens up, not only for children but for us adults too.

These are conversations I love having with my kids.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything else.

This is one of the many reasons we home school.  I don’t want rushed mornings.  I want mornings together, and time to read God’s Word to them.  If the mornings aren’t a good time for your family, then try the evenings before bed.  If I don’t get to it at breakfast, then I try to read to them at lunch or any other time we are all together, but first thing in the morning seems to be the best for us.

It helps me start off my day encouraged and like I did the most important thing already.

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So, I would like to share with you some of our families favorite Bibles and devotionals.  Some of them I have read to the kids in the mornings, and some of them they have read on their own, but all have enriched the kids Bible knowledge.

“120 Bible Stories” is my favorite one.  I’ve been reading this to the kids for five years.  I usually read it in order, one story from the New Testament and one from the Old Testament. When we finish it, then we start again.  What we love about this one is the pictures on each page are paintings that are very realistic. The kids are glued to the pictures while I read and I like that it helps them identify with the characters because they look realistic instead of like cartoons.  There are questions at the end of each story to ask your kids as well. I highly recommend this Bible.
I like “The Children’s Illustrated Bible” because it has realistic illustrations as well as pictures of Israel peppered throughout that pertain to the story.  My kids really like looking at all the pictures and they spur a lot of conversation about Israel and what life was like during Biblical times.  Because of this, I would say this is my second favorite one.

We like “Friends With God Story Bible” because the illustrations are really good.  It is also written differently in the fact that the stories are told from the perspective of the person. So, Abraham tells his own story from his perspective and so on.  There are also character qualities woven within and questions after each story to ask the children to reflect on.  I have found on several occasions my oldest daughter reading this to my seven-year old at night because they both really like it.

“My ABC Bible Verses” is not a Bible but every page has a Bible verse on it for your family to memorize together.  There is a Bible verse for each letter of the alphabet.  I keep it with whatever Bible we are reading so that we can open it up and recite a verse together on days where I have a little more time.
My two year old likes her own Bible board book, “My Favorite Bible Storybook For Little Ones”.  It has a handle on it for her to carry around, and has hidden flaps to open on each page to keep her hands busy.

This “Jesus Calling” is a devotional that your pre-teens can read on their own.  My son was ten when he read through it at bedtime and he really enjoyed it, and I’m going to have my daughter who is ten begin reading through it as well.

The illustrations in “For Such a Time as This” are absolutely beautiful.  My ten-year old daughter keeps this book in her room.  Every story is about the women of the Bible and is told from their perspective.  She really enjoys it.

“Princess Stories” is another one of stories of the women of the Bible.  I began reading this to my oldest daughter when she was seven, and now she keeps it in her room to look at herself.

“The Big Picture of What God Has Always Wanted” is a really great book for explaining in a simple way the entire Gospel so I wanted to include it.  It explains to your children why Jesus had to come to redeem us and how all God ever wanted was a family. I highly recommend making this a regular read with your kids.
Although not a devotional, “Heaven is for Real” is a great book for getting kids thinking about Heaven.  Told from the perspective of a boy who went to Heaven, my kids enjoy when we read through this together and looking at the pictures. It is a great spring-board for conversation about all the wonderful things and people awaiting us in Heaven.

I thought I would include this one because although I don’t own it yet, I will soon because I think the pictures look wonderful.  I have such a love for well illustrated books!

Well, I hope this list will help get you started with some good Bibles and devotionals to read to your children or grandchildren.  Or possibly as a gift to your niece or nephew at their next birthday, or maybe the perfect baby shower gift.  Whatever the occasion, the investment will not be a waste!  Get those kids started early with a love for God’s Word.  You are sowing seeds that will produce a harvest!

Please let me know some of your favorites too!  Blessings to you and your family!

My Favorite Stress Buster

Sometimes life can feel HEAVY. There are days I feel like a balloon that with each stress throughout the day I inflate a little more.  Can you relate?  I hope you can’t, but if you can…

 What if I told you that I found something that will decompress that stress within thirty seconds?

And the great news is it’s free and so fun.

Let me introduce you to a little thing called dancing. Hurray for dancing!!

Such a simple thing, but I am telling you it has the power to deflate stress, soften a hard countenance, mend a rift, lighten the mood, and make you feel great. Children absolutely love it. They were born to wiggle and bop to music, and they love doing it with their parents.

My two-year old is a dancer at heart. Which is not surprising to me at all because before we got pregnant with her, I prayed that we would have a girl, that she would look like me, and have my personality. I wasn’t even thinking about dance when I asked God for her to be like me, but He’s always into the details. I grew up dancing off and on, and to this day, I absolutely love to dance. I tell God that I will be the one dancing before His throne in Heaven.  I’ll have boundless energy, and I just may never stop!

My man also likes to dance. He’s a mean swing dancer and can toss me around the kitchen floor like a rag doll. He’s also not afraid to jump around in silly ways to make the kids laugh. So if Dad is home, we are all dancing.

We break out in dance parties almost every day at our house. Usually when we are making meals in the kitchen or doing dishes. I always have music playing in the house, but when we are congregating in the kitchen, it’s natural for someone to say to the Echo, “hey Alexa, play…”. Even our two-year old knows how to boss Alexa around.

The tunes start playing, someone turns it up, and we all start shaking our tail feathers.

It’s an AMAZING stress buster! All the things that were pressing on my mind…gone. Any tensions between me and another child…gone. The to-do list…gone. I’m telling you, it’s like medicine to our souls.  Yeah, some of those stresses come back, but at least I got a much needed break from them!

The most magical part is even conflicts between children begin to float away, like we’ve hit the reset button.

“But I don’t like to dance”, you say (gasp!). Well, I would encourage you to break out of your mold a bit. Try something new. It doesn’t matter how you dance, just move to the beat a little. Your kids may raise an eyebrow at you when you first start, but as you get going, they will probably jump in…maybe not some of the teenagers, but that’s okay. At least they are seeing you have fun.

Which leads me to another point…never underestimate the importance of your kids seeing you having fun.

No matter what age they are, they need to see Mom having fun. Bonus would be if they get to see Mom and Dad jumping around laughing together. Those memories leave deep impressions in their minds.

All you have to do is Google stats on how dancing effects health and you will see a long line of benefits including reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, while boosting body image, self-esteem, and overall confidence. Wahoo!

My heart behind this post is to encourage you to lighten the mood in your home.  Make your house a fun place to grow up in.

Dancing is a really easy way to make this happen.  You’ll not only bust some stress, you’ll burn some calories, and get a really good laugh while doing it too (and don’t even get me started on the benefits of laughter)!

If you are all alone at the house or live alone, well, there is no reason not to dance your heart out.  Making dinner and doing dishes is so much more fun with a little hip swaying.

I hope I’ve nudged you enough to begin bringing dance into your daily life.  To get you started, here are some of our favorite songs to dance to…

The soundtrack to “The Greatest Showman”. We are listening to this everyday right now. So good!

“Bulletproof” by Citizenway.  The lead singer/songwriter, Ben Calhoun and his wife introduced Kevin and I. Our kids would not exist without Ben and Alison!

“Happy Dance” by Mercy Me. Alison, my friend who married Ben is the lead dancer in the video, so another shout out to the Calhouns!

“Love With Your Life” by Hollyn

“Feel It” by Toby Mac. The music video has fun dancing in it too. My 12-year-old son loves all of Toby Mac’s music. He’s great in concert too!

“Backseat Driver” by Toby Mac & Hollyn  This has been my two-year olds favorite dance song for a year now!

“I Feel So Alive” by Capital Kings.  Honestly, any music by Capital Kings. My 12-year-old son plays their music whenever he’s on dish duty. It helps him move a lot faster, and have fun while he’s working!

“Count Your Rainbows” by 1 Girl Nation.  My 10-year-old daughter likes this band. They are a great example of female artists.

“The Cha-Cha Slide” by DJ Casper.  I’m sure you’ve danced to this at weddings. All my kids like to follow along to this one. He takes you through different dance instructions that are easy to follow, like “left foot stomp, right foot stomp”.

“Can’t Stop The Feeling” by Justin Timberlake. Pull up the music video if you want some dance inspiration!

Here’s some oldie but goodies that will be sure to get you moving.  Toddlers seems to love oldies music:

“Rock Around The Clock” by Bill Haley & The Comets

“Great Balls Of Fire” by Jerry Lee Lewis

“All Shook Up” by Elvis Presley

“The Twist” by Chubby Checker

“Respect” by Aretha Franklin

“Chantilly Lace” by Big Bopper

“Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison

“Sherry” by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  Our two-year old tells Alexa to play this multiple times a day. Even though it has a slower beat, she loves to dance to it.

And what about disco, 80’s, or show tunes? There are so many songs to choose from! Whatever gets you moving!

If you don’t own an Amazon Echo, I would highly recommend it. That is all we use for music in the house anymore. I can just say, “Alexa, play me “Bulletproof” by Citizenway”, and it starts playing! I can play radio stations, as well as ask her lots of different questions like “give me the news briefing”, “what’s the weather like outside?” or Kevin can ask “how long is my traffic commute today?”

But for music, it’s our go-to. If you don’t have one, you can buy one here…

So, what are you waiting for? Bring on the stress buster! Your kids will love it, and I guarantee, after 30 seconds of moving to some beats, you will too.

Juggling the yes and no of commitments

How do we know when we are doing too much?  I mean, is it just me or does it feel like there is pressure everywhere you turn to do more and be more? Put in more hours at work, make more money, volunteer more at church, keep your house more picked up, give your kids more opportunities, cook more healthy meals, exercise more, get more sleep, be more sexy, be more crafty, be more friendly, be more educated, be more engaged, be more thrifty…more, more, more.

I’m totally exhausted already. 

You know what I’m going to say here.  You’ve heard it before, but I’m here to gently remind you that you do not have to be everyone and do everything.  Let me rephrase…you can’t be everyone and do everything.  If God wanted it that way, He wouldn’t have made so many of us to color the world so creatively! 

The reason I am writing this post on the topic of do, do, do, more, more, more is because I am feeling poo, poo, pooped.  Yep, three poos there.  I’m Wiped with a capital W, cashed out, down for the count, want to crawl under blankets and sleep for a week pooped.

I was thinking today, why do I feel so exhausted?  As I recounted the last couple weeks, I was instantly reminded that I did too much.  Way too much.  Let me remind you that I have five children, three of which are homeschooled, a two-year old who could keep the world busy if given the chance, and a just turned one year old who still has me up some nights to nurse, and when awake is into everything. 

Now that sounds like enough right there to keep a person busy, right?

Well, on top of the ordinary everyday life, I had way over committed myself.  Over the past two weeks, we had a few evenings where couples were over that we mentor (we love doing this by the way), we also helped at a marriage class at our church (love doing this too), we hosted a soup night for our life group (love), Kevin had church meetings, and any extra mental energy I had was being poured into Kevin’s business because of some changes we are making.  Oh, and last but not least- drumroll please…Kevin was out of town on a business trip for 3 whole days (Peeps, that’s a lot for me.  Did not love this).  That does not include the lunches and dinners out with friends, or the classes I help with at the kids home school co-op, kids activities, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and the to-do list that never ever EVER ends.

Why am I telling you this?  To brag about how busy I am? (What a silly question, yet I do feel like our culture praises busyness, which I don’t get at all.)  NO!  To tell you that this. Is. Too. Much!  No one can do that much and do it well.

This is why I’m wiped.

If your plate looks similar to mine the last couple weeks, I think you and I need to learn to say that little word that so many of us have trouble saying.  No.  Try it with me…no.  No, thank you.  No, I will not be able to help with that.  No, I’m sorry, I think I will have to take a rain check.  No, I would love to, but I don’t think I will be able to make that possible.  Nope, nope, nope.  It doesn’t have to be said in a mean way, and it doesn’t have to be said to every invitation or expectation.  

On the flip side…you may have to learn to say no to yourself.

No to the extra hours at the office, no to starving yourself to be more skinny, no to the stress that you haven’t made all the crafts on Pinterest that you’ve pinned, no to the idea of having a perfectly picked up house, no to the temptation to be more for others.  If you resonate with any of this (umm, my hand is way in the air), you just may need to rest in who you are and in God’s peace for a while.  He is certainly not asking you to be more or do more.  You are putting that on yourself.

Jesus said “come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”, Matthew 11:28-29. 

What yoke are you putting on yourself?  Jesus wasn’t talking about taking the yellow part of his egg and sharing it with you (that’s spelled yolk, just in case you were wondering).  He was referencing the yoke placed on oxen when they work together to pull a heavy load.

He is saying that when you are attached to His work load, it’s an easy one.

We should have peace when we are that close to Him.  We should have peace when we are working with Jesus.  We should have peace when we are doing the things that He has asked us to do.

So I must ask you, are you doing the things He has asked you to do?  Or are you getting caught up in the “mores” of life instead of yoking yourself to Him?

As you ponder that, I do have good news for you, and that is to say YES to the best stuff.  Everything that we get invited and asked to do is good stuff.  Everything I would like to do more of is good stuff.  And I want to do it all!  But, how do we decide what is the BEST things to commit to?  Well, here is the check list I try to go through in my head before committing to something (…when I’m level-headed, unlike the last couple weeks)…

1.       Does God want me to be committing my time to this?  Ask Him before you say yes, and take a few days before giving an answer.

2.       Does this activity benefit the whole family?  This is our plumb line with kids activities.  If it doesn’t benefit family life, we aren’t doing it.  We have the kids in gymnastics classes and swimming classes at the same time so that I am not running children this way and that and screaming to get in the car all the time.  I don’t want to live that way, and I certainly don’t want my kids to remember me that way.

3.       Does your spouse think it’s a good idea?  It’s tempting to want to be involved in everything or have your kids involved in everything, but I think spouses can see the routine from an outside perspective and know if it’s going to be too much.  Kevin and I rely very heavily on each others opinion when it comes to commitments.  I know I am very grateful for the way we work together in making decisions. There have been many times that one of us wanted to commit to something, but the other didn’t think it would be our best yes, so we didn’t, and were very grateful afterward.

You may also want to set boundaries like only committing to two social events every weekend, or three evening commitments in a week.

Talk with your spouse and decide what you want your normal flow to be like, and revisit it often.  Kevin and I had a “two social events per weekend” rule for a while, but have found ourselves as of late having weekends where we are running from one event to the next.  That’s not how we want our weekends to look.  We want it to be full of restful and rejuvenating time to connect with the kids and each other before starting another week. So we talked, and committed to scaling back again. 

As I leave you with these thoughts, I ask you, are you weary or burdened?  Remember that Jesus said to attach yourself and your energies to Him, and He promises rest for your soul.  Doesn’t that sound wonderful? If your answer is yes, then your rest may start with saying no more often…or maybe it’s saying yes to only the best things.  Whatever your answer, know that many of us are doing this juggling act with you.  It’s a skill worth mastering, but for tonight what do you say we call an intermission and get some popcorn?  Yep…I think I’ll go for that too.

Soup’s On!

The other night at our house was a sweet time with friends, so I just had to write about it.  Wednesday evening about 6:30 the smell of soup and fresh bread filled our house while people spilled in the door from out in the cold, greeted each other with hugs, and shared a warm meal together while laughter and life filled the corners of our kitchen.  We enjoyed two hours of uninterrupted conversation with adults while the kids played in the basement.  I enjoyed partaking in the rare occasion of slowly eating my food, while tasting every bite and conversing with close friends.  As any one of you Mama’s know, this is a treat within itself!

Kevin and I decided about six months ago that we wanted more times like this at our house.  I thought I’d share what we do in hopes that you may want to adopt the tradition and begin having more gatherings around your kitchen table.

Soup Nights

We have given these nights a simple name because the idea is…simple. We call them Soup Nights. We say to those invited, come if you can and we will have a big pot of soup on the stove and warm bread.  No other sides, no dessert, and no frills to complicate the evening and stress us out.  Just a simple and warm meal to share with friends.  There is no pressure to rsvp, no pressure to bring anything…no pressure to come at all!

This week there were ten of us, and as the sound of spoons were clinking bowls and laughter echoed around the kitchen, I took the moment in and thought about how I’m so grateful for these people in my life.  After dinner we gathered around one couple that needs God to come through for them quickly, placed our hands on them and prayed.  Then we all shared about some of the things God is doing in our lives, some of our favorite moments of this past Christmas, and ways we want to make next Christmas even better with our families.

So who are the people we invite over for our soup nights?  I’m glad you asked.  I’d love to introduce you to them…

Life Groups

My husband and I have led or been a part of what our church calls Life Groups since we were married nearly fourteen years ago.  The people have changed that have been a part of these groups, but the vision has not.  Your church may call them small groups, cell groups, or something similar to that, but the point is to have a small group of people who you regularly see and really do life with.  For us, it has been life changing to be a part of these groups.

The group we lead now meets at our house once a month for a night of prayer and study.  We vary what we study based on the groups desire.  We also pray for each other and our kids, and encourage each other through life’s ups and downs. The two hours we are together is never wasted!

But this year we also started adding a soup night once a month as a way to hang together with no agenda.  You know how life is.  You think about getting together with someone, and before you know it a year passes by and you still haven’t scheduled anything!  With soup nights on the calendar, it’s a simple way to have a standing date with the people you want to see more of.

Have I sold you on the idea yet?  Yours does not have to be a part of a life group or a church at all.  It could be your neighbors.  Think about if you and six or seven of your neighbors got together and shared a meal once a month. The feel of your neighborhood would completely change.  Or maybe there are coworkers that you would like to get to know better.  Or you could invite some of the parents of the teammates of your kids sports teams.

It’s not difficult, and you can make it in such a way that it’s not expensive either.  Just keep it as simple as possible so that you will want to do it again!  We do a lot of hosting at our house, so I know from experience that if I have to worry about more than one dish, plus get my house clean, and make the table look perfect for seating (all the while yelling at my kids to not touch anything!)… I’m a wreck.  Take it from me that people don’t care if your house looks perfect or the table is set when they walk in.  They care about people and time spent together.  So put your efforts into that.

Have you ever heard the phrase “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care”?  I love that saying.  The point is that the people in your life don’t want to hear you talk about your own ideas or what you know or where you stand on life issues.  They want to know how much you care about them first.  So keep the main thing the main thing…and that is people.  No matter our life story, political or spiritual views, or what types of food we do or don’t eat, we all want to know that we are cared for.  Soup nights is just one way to do that.

Jackie’s Spaghetti

I remember when I was nineteen and I had moved away to Colorado with a friend.  Everything and everyone was foreign, but we found a new church, and there was a widowed lady that attended there who was still raising two of her own boys.  She decided she wanted to take about five of us young girls under her wing.  So every Tuesday night, Jackie would have us over to her small house where she would serve us pasta and Pillsbury crescent rolls.  It was the same every week.  She told us she had to keep it cheap and easy, and would even apologize that it wasn’t a grander meal, but honestly that simple food ministered to us girls deeply at that time in our lives.  After dinner and catching each other up on our week, we would all help with the dishes and then move to the living room where she taught us something out of the Bible. We drank in every last word she had to say, asking her tons of questions as we tried to squeeze out of her every ounce of life experience and wisdom she could offer. It really was a powerful thing she did for us on many different levels.

Every Tuesday evening, I knew down to the deepest fibers of my being that I was cared for.  I was important to someone.  And it all started with an invitation to come over for some spaghetti from a woman I had just met.

Never underestimate the power of an invitation to share in some food.  You may extend the invite for others, but you will be blessed even more.  Proverbs 11:25 says “He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed”. So if you find that you could use some refreshing in life, why don’t you start with three simple words…“friends, soup’s on”!